March 24, 2009

Today, I Did

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:47 pm by jlp412

Today, I ate a bowl of cereal – cinnamon Puffins mixed with mini wheat squares from Trader Joe’s. I made a pot of my roommate’s French Vanilla coffee, not too strong, with a splash of fat free Coffeemate liquid creamer, just the way I like it. I walked over the Key Bridge from Virginia to my office in Georgetown. I went to work.

Since I found out about Trisha’s death, I haven’t resumed any of the usual routines that keep my life in its orbit.

Today, I did.

Before today, I accepted the reality of my day-to-day activities and rarely questioned the “why’s” behind them – the benefits of a relationship, the significance of a work deadline, the need to eat a meal.

Today, I questioned the “why’s.”

Before today, when I looked at my watch, always a constant on my left hand, I didn’t think about the time beyond the minute of my next meeting. I didn’t scrutinize the tiny black sticks as they ticked away, propelling me one more minute forward into a world Trisha can no longer see.

Today, minutes mattered more.

Before today, my thoughts were content to dwell in my head. On occasion they escaped to my journal, but they were judged there only by me, in all of their imperfectness and hesitant scribbles, not to be shared.

Today, I realized that even these nonsensical ramblings can bring meaning to others. Today, I shared my thoughts.

Today is different and yet the same.

Today, Trisha is gone. I went to work. Trisha is gone. I ate a sandwich. Trisha is gone. I took a shower.

Trisha is gone.

Today, underneath my routines and activities rested an undercurrent of longing, flash images of her face, her smile, her casket. A receipt I was processing for a parking expense had “drive safely” printed nonchalantly on the bottom underneath the total. I burst into tears at my desk.

Today is different and yet the same.

Before today, I hadn’t fully confronted mortality.

Today, I did.

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2 Comments »

  1. donna said,

    Dear Jamie,
    As it should, life goes on. A little less sad, a little more aware, oh the memories and thoughts/things that triger the saddnes~~
    Hugs to you and those that feel the immense loss of your deat friens Trisha.
    Find comfort together and live and love in her memory
    love donna

  2. […] rate that time propels us more and more forward, I still feel Trisha. I can’t describe it as vividly as I did nearly two years ago when she was freshly plucked away from us, but I think that’s okay. The way I feel Trisha […]


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